Haywire

Have you ever thought about how different women are? We are all different in so many ways. We are all the same in so many ways too. So I have to remind myself that no matter what I'm feeling right now. Someone else is feeling it too. 

Have you ever had a day where your emotions are so completely haywire and you can hardly function? We all have right? Recently, I've felt defeated. Like I don't matter to anyone. That no matter how hard I try to make friends, nobody seems to like me. I know my personality is not exactly the type to draws people to me but I've literally gone out of my way and very far out of my comfort zone to try to make friends. I try my hardest to carry on conversations and try to show, not hide my interest in their lives. I keep coming back to the same conclusion. Nobody likes me. I feel secluded and alone. I feel used. I feel like people only talk to me when they have to or because they need something. Because of these feelings I have to remind myself of some simple truths once in a while to gather my emotional bearings and be able to move forward from the mucky swamp that I seem to get trapped in. 

1. I am NOT alone. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

2. I AM wanted. Deuteronomy 10:15 Yet the Lord set his affection on your forefathers and loved them, and he chose you

3. I AM loved. Lamentations 3:22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases...

4. I CAN trust God. Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goes from my mouth; It shall not return to Me void.

5. I WILL focus on God. Psalm 25:15  My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Crank that UP!

So it's a hot day. I've dropped one kid off to a birthday party and have two buckled in the backseat. We've got the windows down, rocking out to some Matt Maher and that's when I heard it. The question. The question I didn't have an answer to.

"Who have you talked to about Christ today?"

Um. Say what?

Well, I thought to myself, I guess I haven't talked with many people today so yeah, no one. Then my brain got to spinning. I don't really talk to people about Christ. I mean, I talk to people who already know Christ about him but not to people who don't know him.

Isn't that why we are here? To build the kingdom? So I started thinking about how I could do this because you see; I'm an introvert. I don't exactly like talking to people at all so I likely won't be going up to anyone and asking how their soul is. LOL Then God turned the light bulb on in my head. The conversation went something like this: "What you doing right now?" Um...Driving. "Use your ears. What are you hearing right now?" Music from the radio. Then it dawned on me. DUH!! God gave us the gift of music did he not? Now, don't get me wrong when I sing I sound like a dying cat. Other people can actually sing though! I decided from that point on that I may never meet these people in my entire life but I can share Christ with them. I turned the volume up and prayed at every stoplight "God, please put the people next to me at this light, someone who needs you. Someone who needs to hear from you and speak to them through this music." I made double sure that my radio was loud enough for others to hear the song that was on because I knew that God had a message for them.

Blare your music people! You might bless someone! You may never know the impact that you could make at a stoplight, a stop sign, or in a traffic jam just but by jamming and praising the God who created you! It won't hurt you. CRANK IT UP!

Praise the Lord.

Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

Psalm 150

In case you're looking for a station that would be good ... 99.7 Family Life Radio or 91.3 WCSG are perfect!!!

Here's the song that was playing while my conversation with God occurred in case you're like me and want the details:

"All The People Said Amen"
Matt Maher

You are not alone if you are lonely
When you're feeling frail, you're not the only
We are all the same in need of mercy
To be forgiven and be free
It's all you got to lean on
But thank God it's all you need

And all the people said Amen, whoa oh
And all the people said Amen
Give thanks to the Lord for His love never ends
And all the people said Amen

If you're rich or poor, well it don't matter
Weak or strong, we know love is what we're after
We're all broken but we're all in this together
God knows we stumble and fall
And He so loved the world He sent His son to save us all

And all the people said Amen, whoa oh
And all the people said Amen
Give thanks to the Lord for His love never ends
And all the people said Amen

Blessed are
The poor in spirit who are torn apart
Blessed are
The prosecuted and the pure in heart
Blessed are
The people longing for another start
For this is the Kingdom
The Kingdom of God

And all the people said Amen, whoa oh
And all the people said Amen
Give thanks to the Lord for His love never ends
And all the people said Amen

It's Personal

Over the weekend we went camping last minute. We left so fast I was glad to have my head! In the midst of the hurried packing I didn't grab my bible. So yesterday at church I didn't have it. I had my phone though so I was good. Or so I thought.

I was sitting there and thought to myself how easy it would be for me to look the scripture that was referenced up and it was easy. I didn't have to flip pages and I'll tell you a secret! When I use my bible I am constantly having to use the table of contents to tell me where the book is in it! That's right I'll admit it! I didn't have to worry about that with my phone! WAY faster.

Soon I realized that I missed my actual bible. I missed resting my hand on the page. I missed running my finger over the words. I missed feeling completed by having it with me. It made me realize that no electronic could ever take the place of the "real deal"! Have you ever experienced this or am I the only one? Well, if you haven't I encourage you right now to grab your bible and open it. Doesn't matter to where. Just open it. Close your eyes and place your hand on the page. Slowly run your fingers across the pages. Close it and hold it in your hand.

What do you feel? Love? Power? Complete? Life? Is it not amazing the power that just holding your bible has? If you actually did it then you know what I'm talking about. What's even more great is when you figure out that you can personalize scripture! Have you ever looked for something in a souvenir shop with your name on it and failed because you have one of those names that no one recognizes? I have one of those and two of my daughters have those names as well. The great part about the bible, the Holy Word of God is that it has our name in it. Try it. I'll give you an example.

My daughter Emmalee is scared at night and has trouble falling asleep so I made her a book of scripture and song lyrics to soothe her on hard nights. The very first one when she opens the book is personalized scripture. I borrowed her book tonight after having some hard thoughts today and I had forgotten what I had put in there. I opened it and found my own personalized scripture. This is how it reads in the bible: "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14. But, this is how it reads to her: "Because Emmalee loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her, I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name."

Here's how it reads to me: "Because Kendra loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her, I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name."

I felt reassured and protected! I felt the power of the word that God gave me to live my life by. I'd forgotten. So I wanted to try it again. "Kendra, I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Try it! Put your name in there! Say it out loud! By speaking God's truth out loud we claim it as ours! It is yours! Make it yours!

It's fun! Play around with personalizing your scripture! The bible is not just something that you take with you on Sunday mornings or in my case something you forget at home because you are too excited to go camping than you are to remember you need your bible for church. No, your bible is your lifeline. It's your rescue in times of trouble, your defense in times of despair, your hug when you're sad, your comfort when you're lonely, your food when you're hungry for depth, your drink when you're thirsty and so much more than we can even begin to fathom. I needed the reminder tonight that God is personal. Open your bible and let it personalize you!

Mourning

(This was written on November 19, 2013)

Please do not say ‘Well she lived a good, long life’ as means of comfort. It’s not comforting.

Death is death.

Whether someone is young or old, no matter how you look at things. Death is death.

People come into our lives in so many ways. We are born into their family or they are born into ours. They are aquaintances. They are friends. They are co workers. They are friends’ relatives. They are friends’ friends. Any way you look at it they have impacted you in a good or a bad way.

This morning, the world lost the sweetest, most compassionate, brightest woman anyone could ever meet. She came into my life through marriage. She is my husband’s great great aunt. She always greeted our girls and I with the sweetest smile and a graceful hello. She was always interested in our lives and she loved hugging our girls and talking to them. She always had the biggest smile any time she would see them, especially our Elizabeth. You see Aunt Jean as she was lovingly referred to, actually had the first name of Elizabeth. Her and my Elizabeth thought that sharing this name was the silliest thing and the two of them would giggle about it.

After Aunt Jean moved into Green Acres, I had the privilege of seeing her frequently. Taking care of her there was such a delight to me. I loved going into her room just to see her happy and reading the news paper or watching the Tigers game on the tv.

Aunt Jean loved the Lord and I am confident that she is now in heaven. The bible says many things about death: and the day of death is better than the day of birth Ecclesiastes 7:1 and for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2 I’m not denying that death is destiny or that death is better than birth. I know she’s in heaven. This doesn’t mean that we won’t mourn those we love. It doesn’t mean that her life here should be forgotten or brushed away. Her age will not determine the amount of mourning that will be done. She has touched many lives and was loved by so many. Tears will come. Chests will ache. Sadness is here. Not because she isn’t in heaven, she is, but because she isn’t here.  

So do you see why saying the words ‘well she lived a good, long life’ bring no comfort? You’re right she did. She is happy and young again, but I will mourn her still.

Rest in sweet peace, Aunt Jean. We love you dearly still and will always.

Enjoy your everlasting life Elizabeth Jean Byers  in walls of jasper, and a city of pure gold, as pure as glass. Revelation 21:18

Personal? Oh Yeah He's Personal!!!

Isn't it funny how some people don't think that God is personal? That he doesn't care or understand what is going on in our lives?

Well, I don't know about yours, but he's personal in mine. I've been on a down slope and haven't really allowed myself time lately to just sit in God's word. As many of you probably know, the less you're in the word, the less connected you feel. So not being in the word as much led to not praying as much! You get the picture.

This morning I was just tired of it and I just confessed and I specifically said "how can you forgive someone so much that is far from deserving of it". I continued my day and got around to go to a show that my church band was performing at and I was looking in the mirror and I was flustered. I couldn't get my hair just right. I knew I'd have the windows down and that it would be all messed up when I got there but it still had to be just right before I left. Finally, I was frustrated enough I flung my hands in the air and loudly said "FORGET IT!" and stormed out of the bathroom. (My 29 year old fit like a 2 year old, no worries happens all the time ask my husband!!) Anyway, I went about getting things ready to go and for some reason I had the desire to find a devotional I hadn't picked up in a while (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young). I looked for it and flipped it open to today's date and it read: "You make a practice of judging yourself based on how you look or behave or feel. If you like what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of my love." ... Uhhh whoa. I couldn't believe it said that...really, because it's true but it like jumped out at me like the words were alive!!! THEN, it goes on to say "Instead of trying to "fix" yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your Soul. Rather than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising me." I couldn't help to notice the slow smirk that found it's way across my face.

I was floored that a book, with words not specifically written for me, could hold such a smack in the face! Every word in that devotion singed through my mind like a lighter through plastic. I am thankful for a God who is personal and knows how to talk to those who might not be so willing to listen (which was me this morning!).

Tell me again that God isn't personal! I dare you! Then, I will also dare you to try it out and see! One of the songs our praise band sang today was you are amazing, more than amazing, forever our God, you're more than enough. He is amazing! There's no denying that. I am so thankful that God speaks to me in terms that I can understand but also in ways that catch my attention; like the words of a book smacking me in the face telling me to pull myself together and look up, not at a reflection in the mirror!

Foggy Path

The girls and I spent the day with my sister and mom. We had a long fun day of swimming and just being together. My sister announced that she is being deployed to Guam in about a month. Kevin had to work so he drove up separate later on. My mom lives about an hour away from us and by the time we left it was after 11pm. I can not see well in the dark to drive and my fan for my air and defrost is broken so my window was fogging up so it was extra hard to see. It was humid and sticky out but it was too chilly for me to have the windows all the way down. I was fine when we were on the highway because I was behind Kevin the whole way but once we were off the highway we got separated.

I instantly felt myself starting to panic. I am terrified of night driving (one of my many fears) mostly because you never know if the person coming at you is drunk...but that's another story. So Kevin wasn't in front of me and I couldn't see, my window was super foggy, the road had recently been repaved and the lines weren't there to help guide me in my distress. I set a goal for myself to get to Lincoln Lake road because then I knew I was almost home! It got harder and harder to see probably because of my panic in reality. I needed Kevin, I needed to be able to see him right in front of me; to guide me home. To guide me to my goal. I depended on him to be the light that I felt I needed.

This situation reminded me of how we should depend and trust God. He is the ever present light. The guide through the foggy night. When we can't see we need to know that he's just up ahead making the path more clear for us. Even when we can't see the lines in the road he's always there we just need to trust him to be the light to guide us to our goal ahead and to trust that he'll get us there safely.

A Raised Vegetable Garden

For the last four years I have tried to have a vegetable garden! I have only ever produced green beans. I do not know a lick about gardening so I didn't really know what to do. I am not a gardener to put it nicely. I don't like to get dirty and as far as anyone who doesn't know my family history would never guess that I came from a family of farmers! I will not typically be found someplace that a remote chance of a spider being or anything with more than four legs. This is out of my realm but I really am starting to see the importance of eating food that we grow. I don't like the thought of my kids putting things into their bodies like preservatives and whatnot. This year more than ever I wanted to be successful at my own garden and to be able to provide for my family homegrown vegetables without the worry of preservatives and flavors and whatever else these companies are putting into food these days. So this year I did a little research. I talked with my neighbor a bit about it last year before planting and she suggested tilling in some bagged compost into the soil. I did. It didn't work. In fact I don't even remember getting beans last year. My husband and I decided as a last ditch effort that we'd try a raised garden. I watched a bunch of youtube tutorials and we decided on one. He had the frame built with the help of a co-worker/friend in all of 15 minutes.

I laid the frame down and took the backside of a hammer and marked along the inside of the frame then removed it from the area. I took a garden hoe and took out excess dirt inside the lined area and made sure no roots were in there. I leveled the ground back out, put the frame back down and filled with 2 bags of topsoil to 1 bag of cow manure compost. It took about 22 bags of topsoil and 16 bags of compost (I did this like two weeks ago so my numbers could be misleading). I mixed the compost in the soil as well as I could and we planted the seeds and watered it. I went on vacation for a week and when I came back there were plants growing!!!!! I was excited beyond belief! Time will only tell if this will work but here are some pictures in case you are interested in trying this yourself.

Me afterward! I sent a text to my husband saying "no one can ever say you didn't marry a farm girl!"

Before

After all the "yuck" was cleaned out!

After...I ended up adding 6 more bags of soil/compost.

*The frame is 4x8 foot