Mourning

(This was written on November 19, 2013)

Please do not say ‘Well she lived a good, long life’ as means of comfort. It’s not comforting.

Death is death.

Whether someone is young or old, no matter how you look at things. Death is death.

People come into our lives in so many ways. We are born into their family or they are born into ours. They are aquaintances. They are friends. They are co workers. They are friends’ relatives. They are friends’ friends. Any way you look at it they have impacted you in a good or a bad way.

This morning, the world lost the sweetest, most compassionate, brightest woman anyone could ever meet. She came into my life through marriage. She is my husband’s great great aunt. She always greeted our girls and I with the sweetest smile and a graceful hello. She was always interested in our lives and she loved hugging our girls and talking to them. She always had the biggest smile any time she would see them, especially our Elizabeth. You see Aunt Jean as she was lovingly referred to, actually had the first name of Elizabeth. Her and my Elizabeth thought that sharing this name was the silliest thing and the two of them would giggle about it.

After Aunt Jean moved into Green Acres, I had the privilege of seeing her frequently. Taking care of her there was such a delight to me. I loved going into her room just to see her happy and reading the news paper or watching the Tigers game on the tv.

Aunt Jean loved the Lord and I am confident that she is now in heaven. The bible says many things about death: and the day of death is better than the day of birth Ecclesiastes 7:1 and for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart. Ecclesiastes 7:2 I’m not denying that death is destiny or that death is better than birth. I know she’s in heaven. This doesn’t mean that we won’t mourn those we love. It doesn’t mean that her life here should be forgotten or brushed away. Her age will not determine the amount of mourning that will be done. She has touched many lives and was loved by so many. Tears will come. Chests will ache. Sadness is here. Not because she isn’t in heaven, she is, but because she isn’t here.  

So do you see why saying the words ‘well she lived a good, long life’ bring no comfort? You’re right she did. She is happy and young again, but I will mourn her still.

Rest in sweet peace, Aunt Jean. We love you dearly still and will always.

Enjoy your everlasting life Elizabeth Jean Byers  in walls of jasper, and a city of pure gold, as pure as glass. Revelation 21:18

Personal? Oh Yeah He's Personal!!!

Isn't it funny how some people don't think that God is personal? That he doesn't care or understand what is going on in our lives?

Well, I don't know about yours, but he's personal in mine. I've been on a down slope and haven't really allowed myself time lately to just sit in God's word. As many of you probably know, the less you're in the word, the less connected you feel. So not being in the word as much led to not praying as much! You get the picture.

This morning I was just tired of it and I just confessed and I specifically said "how can you forgive someone so much that is far from deserving of it". I continued my day and got around to go to a show that my church band was performing at and I was looking in the mirror and I was flustered. I couldn't get my hair just right. I knew I'd have the windows down and that it would be all messed up when I got there but it still had to be just right before I left. Finally, I was frustrated enough I flung my hands in the air and loudly said "FORGET IT!" and stormed out of the bathroom. (My 29 year old fit like a 2 year old, no worries happens all the time ask my husband!!) Anyway, I went about getting things ready to go and for some reason I had the desire to find a devotional I hadn't picked up in a while (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young). I looked for it and flipped it open to today's date and it read: "You make a practice of judging yourself based on how you look or behave or feel. If you like what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of my love." ... Uhhh whoa. I couldn't believe it said that...really, because it's true but it like jumped out at me like the words were alive!!! THEN, it goes on to say "Instead of trying to "fix" yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your Soul. Rather than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising me." I couldn't help to notice the slow smirk that found it's way across my face.

I was floored that a book, with words not specifically written for me, could hold such a smack in the face! Every word in that devotion singed through my mind like a lighter through plastic. I am thankful for a God who is personal and knows how to talk to those who might not be so willing to listen (which was me this morning!).

Tell me again that God isn't personal! I dare you! Then, I will also dare you to try it out and see! One of the songs our praise band sang today was you are amazing, more than amazing, forever our God, you're more than enough. He is amazing! There's no denying that. I am so thankful that God speaks to me in terms that I can understand but also in ways that catch my attention; like the words of a book smacking me in the face telling me to pull myself together and look up, not at a reflection in the mirror!

Foggy Path

The girls and I spent the day with my sister and mom. We had a long fun day of swimming and just being together. My sister announced that she is being deployed to Guam in about a month. Kevin had to work so he drove up separate later on. My mom lives about an hour away from us and by the time we left it was after 11pm. I can not see well in the dark to drive and my fan for my air and defrost is broken so my window was fogging up so it was extra hard to see. It was humid and sticky out but it was too chilly for me to have the windows all the way down. I was fine when we were on the highway because I was behind Kevin the whole way but once we were off the highway we got separated.

I instantly felt myself starting to panic. I am terrified of night driving (one of my many fears) mostly because you never know if the person coming at you is drunk...but that's another story. So Kevin wasn't in front of me and I couldn't see, my window was super foggy, the road had recently been repaved and the lines weren't there to help guide me in my distress. I set a goal for myself to get to Lincoln Lake road because then I knew I was almost home! It got harder and harder to see probably because of my panic in reality. I needed Kevin, I needed to be able to see him right in front of me; to guide me home. To guide me to my goal. I depended on him to be the light that I felt I needed.

This situation reminded me of how we should depend and trust God. He is the ever present light. The guide through the foggy night. When we can't see we need to know that he's just up ahead making the path more clear for us. Even when we can't see the lines in the road he's always there we just need to trust him to be the light to guide us to our goal ahead and to trust that he'll get us there safely.

A Raised Vegetable Garden

For the last four years I have tried to have a vegetable garden! I have only ever produced green beans. I do not know a lick about gardening so I didn't really know what to do. I am not a gardener to put it nicely. I don't like to get dirty and as far as anyone who doesn't know my family history would never guess that I came from a family of farmers! I will not typically be found someplace that a remote chance of a spider being or anything with more than four legs. This is out of my realm but I really am starting to see the importance of eating food that we grow. I don't like the thought of my kids putting things into their bodies like preservatives and whatnot. This year more than ever I wanted to be successful at my own garden and to be able to provide for my family homegrown vegetables without the worry of preservatives and flavors and whatever else these companies are putting into food these days. So this year I did a little research. I talked with my neighbor a bit about it last year before planting and she suggested tilling in some bagged compost into the soil. I did. It didn't work. In fact I don't even remember getting beans last year. My husband and I decided as a last ditch effort that we'd try a raised garden. I watched a bunch of youtube tutorials and we decided on one. He had the frame built with the help of a co-worker/friend in all of 15 minutes.

I laid the frame down and took the backside of a hammer and marked along the inside of the frame then removed it from the area. I took a garden hoe and took out excess dirt inside the lined area and made sure no roots were in there. I leveled the ground back out, put the frame back down and filled with 2 bags of topsoil to 1 bag of cow manure compost. It took about 22 bags of topsoil and 16 bags of compost (I did this like two weeks ago so my numbers could be misleading). I mixed the compost in the soil as well as I could and we planted the seeds and watered it. I went on vacation for a week and when I came back there were plants growing!!!!! I was excited beyond belief! Time will only tell if this will work but here are some pictures in case you are interested in trying this yourself.

Me afterward! I sent a text to my husband saying "no one can ever say you didn't marry a farm girl!"

Before

After all the "yuck" was cleaned out!

After...I ended up adding 6 more bags of soil/compost.

*The frame is 4x8 foot

Found an old Blog Post!

I just found this and realized it was actually written almost a year ago! I thought I'd post it! Must be I got busy...imagine that! LOL

An eventful week indeed!

Wednesday I took Miss Emmalee to the dentist because in her words she "has a hole" in her tooth. I looked at it and it looked like a cavity! Sure enough it was a cavity and needed to be pulled. Thank goodness it was a baby molar! I got to see her adult teeth on the X-ray! That was neat. Come to find out she had an abscess tooth! She never once complained of pain she simply told me that she had a hole in her tooth! So she went on an antibiotic! 

Emmalee's Dentist Visit

Thursday Elizabeth came down with a high fever and was having extreme stomach pains. So I called the doctor and they were able to get her in that morning. She had a viral throat infection which nothing can be done for and she also had a UTI!!! So Elizabeth went on an antibiotic for that! 

Friday, I picked up the girls from VBS and Ellisyn felt warm...her temp was 102. We came home and gave her meds and she was fine. The girls had plans to spend the night with Grandma Friday night and since Ellisyn was feeling better I decided to still let them go with medicine for Ellie! I was planning to babysit for Kevin's sister (I always need a baby fix!) but I wanted to get into the pool alone for a bit and just really have a chance to breathe some fresh air and relax. I had my cell phone out there with me because my sister in law was going to text me when she was on her way. The inside phone rang and I didn't jump up because I figured it was Kevin or something and knew that if he needed something he'd call my cell phone. Well sure enough my cell phone rang. So I hurried out of the pool but still have to return the phone call. It was my best friend Lori and her husband had been in a motorcycle accident....(He's doing much better by the way PTL!!)

After a while Friday I got a text saying that Ellisyn had a fever again. I planned to have Kevin pick her up and bring her home on his way. He didn't because after the meds she was doing fine again and she had insisted on staying with Grammy! Kevin and I went to the hospital to make sure our friend was okay! 

Saturday I went back to the hospital to sit with Lori and keep her company. On my way home from the hospital I get a call from Kevin saying that Elizabeth has red spots on the palms of her hands! So I rushed to get her to make sure it wasn't a reaction to the antibiotic that she is on. I took her to Kay's house to have her take a look to (she always makes me feel better) we decided to keep an eye on it. (it ended up being nothing. Didn't itch or hurt and progressively got better). Ellisyn got a fever again and I gave her meds and held her for a bit. I figured since I wouldn't be going anywhere else that day that I would hop in the shower quick. I took about 10 minutes or so and came back out to see how she was doing and her eyes were extremely swollen. I thought she was going into anaphylactic shock and immediately took her to the ER. My friend Michelle and another friend Kathy came to save me from the emotional break down I was then having. 

When we got into a room in the ER

Come to find out it was PINK EYE!!!! I'm so thankful that it was not anaphyalactic shock but I had NEVER seen anything like this! Emmalee and Elizabeth had never had pink eye and I had no idea it could do this to your face!!!! I left the hospital at I think around 1am and was up at 7:30am to start preparing for our annual Father's Day Picnic! Ellisyn stayed in her room during the party she didn't mind because she also had an ear infection and needed to rest! The party went good and the eventful week was over and high hopes for a better week this week continue!

Ellie getting her rest

Latest event is that Ellisyn is allergic to the amoxicillin that was given for her ear infection!

Honoring My Father

On Father's Day for the last 8 years my husband and I have hosted a Father's Day get together. My husband and I both come from broken homes so we have step parents on both sides and then there are the grandfather's who we of course don't want to leave out of this day of celebrating our father's! So we invited every father from all sides over and we cook out for them all!

This year, we happen to truly, accidentally, be gone on vacation over Father's Day! Oops!! We never have much money to spend on our father's for the simple fact that there are four of them! So we normally get them something small and call it good. This year the Lord put it on my heart to do something special for my father. I had already ordered gifts and am keeping my fingers crossed that they get here before we leave for Mackinac Island (my heaven on earth)! I racked my brain trying to think of what this man who has everything could possibly want or need that would be meaningful! I had nothing. God told me to write a letter to my dad to tell him how he has impacted my life. I started writing and before I knew it I was done writing and I had to reread what I wrote because I didn't really even realize I had written anything. I believe this handwritten letter from a daughter to her father will be a treasured gift for my dad. You see, I am an introvert. This means for me to express how I feel out loud to someone is so far fetched that even my big eared dog wouldn't believe it if it happened (no really her ears are huge see bottom for a picture just to prove that I'm truthful). God helped me to get my words down on paper which is a huge step out of the normal for me. I decided to share the letter with you because these words are heartfelt and true. I hope that you will find encouragement in it. Here's my letter:

Dad,
On this Father's Day I've had time to stop my fast paced world of feeding, giving baths, cleaning, kissing boo boos amongst many other things, and take a look back.

I decided to write you and tell you just how much you mean to me and the impact you've had on my life.

Back when I wanted to move in with you I felt extremely lonely and unloved. In the years after I moved, you showed me time and time again that I wasn't unloveable. You are a walking, breathing model of unconditional love. Even though there were many times I'm sure you shook your head and thought "what in the world am I doing this for!". You always showed the love I'd been lacking for so many years.

You showed me what stability was and the importance of hard work.

You consistently provided for me above and beyond my needs, giving me all I could want.

You always had my best interest in mind and always let me know how you felt even when you knew I'd roll my eyes or just walk away.

You instilled in me honesty and integrity. You taught me to stand up for what I believe and to always do what's right. You instilled great morals and showed me through your consistent love that family should be valued.

Today, I look back and see you in myself, and there's a gratefulness in me. I remember those times we talked and the times and subjects you probably didn't want to talk about but those uncomfortable moments impacted the way I live my life and how I am raising my own daughters. Those times showed me that I had value to you and it gave me a great confidence to move on and push through hard times as an adult.

So back to all those times you thought to yourself: "what am I doing this for?" or "Is it worth it?". The answer is you were raising a daughter with love, patience and kindness. With a firm but gentle hand and yes, it was worth it because without you, I wouldn't be me.

Thank you for being more than a father to me.

Thank you for being my Dad.

Happy Father's Day



This is a verse that really reminds me of who my dad is:
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Proverbs 17:27

Dad and I at my wedding!

Dad and I at my wedding!!

Dad and Ellie Rose!

Dad and Elizabeth at her preschool graduation!

My Dad and I while I was going through chemo before my hair loss he let me dye my
hair bright blue! 

Dad, my brother, and I!

Dad and I!

Told you she had big ears!!!

Wanted to share...

On my morning stroll through Facebook I seen that a friend posted an article "How to Avoid a People Hangover" I was intrigued considering I am an introvert and I thought that this did a good job of explaining that not all introverts dislike people. It's just that being around people too much can be stressful and draining. I decided to share the article with you in case you deal with similar struggles.

How To Avoid A People Hangover

Donald Miller

Just a couple weeks ago I woke up on Monday morning with what felt like a hangover. The only thing is, I hadn’t so much as had a beer in days. Still, I was groggy and sluggish. I took the dog for a walk and hardly wanted to make the block. Normally on Monday, I’m eager to get to work. I try to get two days worth of work done on Monday to give myself some grace for the rest of the week but this Monday was obviously going to be a dud.

What in the world was wrong? I wasn’t sick, just out of it.

Then it hit me. I’d gone from meeting to church to coffee to lunch to dinner all weekend long. I had a people hangover.

As an introvert, I really have to watch how much time I spend making small talk. I know it sounds strange to those of you who are extroverts, but time with peopledrains me and I hardly know it’s happening.

Sadly, though, I really like spending time with people. It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s that social time drains rather than recharges me.

*Photo by Shaun Krisher, Creative Commons

So I decided to manage my people time the same way I’d manage exercise or eating or drinking. I knew everything had to be kept in moderation.

Mostly, for me, though, it’s less about managing my social calendar and more about managing my rest time. In my mind, if not on an actual physical calendar, I make sure I get plenty of alone time each week. I make sure I have till 5 every day completely free to write. I don’t have a single meeting or coffee or lunch. That move alone frees me up to spend quality time with people in the evenings.

Then, on weekends, I make sure I get several hours alone, regardless of my plans. Mostly this takes place in the morning. I won’t get together with anybody till after noon. Then, between events, I take my dog to the river and I try to do that by myself. Those couple hours work great to recharge me between a lunch meeting to an evening with friends.

If possible, I try to take Sunday evening off. Say, after 7pm. I read, watch television or clean the house, but I do it in a way I don’t have to make chit chat.

Of course if you have a significant other “alone” may often mean with them. But the idea is you don’t have to be “on” all the time. Introverts don’t want to have to be “on”.

So, the trick is to make sure you’re getting your alone time, then fill in the social stuff once the alone time is nailed down.

No more people hangover!

I hope that you could find help in this article and if you are not an introvert but you know someone who is maybe this will help you to understand them a little better. 

Dependence

Will I spend my entire life never being able to depend on anyone?

This is a question I find myself asking too much if you ask me. 29 years of life and never feeling like you have anyone that you can depend on. That's a long time to live without it. I look back on my life now and it really wasn't so bad. I'd always considered my childhood to be traumatic and it truly was until I moved in 1997. The trauma followed me it seemed. I felt then and a lot of times feel now like I can't catch a break.

Today, was one of those; I can't catch a break days. I feel like a semi truck ran me over and then backed over me again. When I get sick, I get SICK! I am down and out and can not do anything. I had to run my paper route today even though I was feeling really crummy. I felt nauseas, my head felt like it was in a vise (you know one of those tools most men have in their garage), I had the chills and even though yesterday was 80 degrees, today was 40 and raining. I was freezing and I had crazy body aches! I had our 4 year old with me who normally does very well with it but today was the day that she felt the need to whine about EVERYTHING and wanted her window down and asked why I had to have the "air" on, which in her language it means I'm hot shut the heat off! I didn't want the heat off!! The rain was coming in the window which had to be down and the cold air was hitting me right in the face. She was in the back seat shedding layers of clothing I thought she needed because I was so cold that I assumed she would be cold too. Well, then I get going and the tire pressure light comes on in my car. I checked the message board and my tire had 23 pounds of air in it. I kept going on my route and most of it is dirt roads. I came to the first dirt road and my car was fishtailing like crazy I couldn't even go 10 mph. The traction warning kept popping up because my car wasn't catching traction. I called my husband and he told me to stop and get my tire fixed. At this point I was already running late. I went to the tire store which is like 5 miles out of my way to find out there is a hole in my tire, got that fixed and started back on my way. I stopped at the gas station the line was crazy long and the cashier was hacking all over. She was covering her mouth, but with her hands. Her hands touch anything you put on the counter and the money you get back. SICK! That's just what I need is more germs. Ellie and I put hand sanitizer on as soon as we got into the car!!! That is a huge pet peeve of mine! Cough into your elbow people! I realized shortly after that, there was a really good chance I wouldn't be home to get the kids so I texted my neighbor and today was a day she had to go for doctor appointments an hour away so she couldn't do it. I called my husband and he wasn't able to do it either. So at this point I am so beyond aggravated and he got the blunt end of the deal. I went on and on about how I couldn't depend on him. The truth is that I can depend on him I was just having a fit at the time.

After my explosion of mean words to my husband, God started on my heart. Whether or not I feel like there is no one that I can trust, confide in, or depend on, He is always there. He is always dependable. I struggle with remembering this at times.

Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant, arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant me my every desire? 2 Samuel 23:5

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. Hebrews 6:19-20

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. Psalm 13:5-6



’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Stress Relief

Do you or someone you know struggle with relieving stress? Have you ever heard someone express the extreme amount of stress in their life? Do you feel like you want to help them but do not know how? I know what stress is like. I'm not talking about the stress over bills or kids or time. I'm talking about the deep excruciating stress that comes from many of life's bigger challenges like severe illness, grief, or trauma. This stress is like a black hole that seems to engulf your every thought. You feel like you are just falling deeper and deeper. Not so much to the point of depression but definitely a helpless, never-ending feeling of despair.

I encourage you, if there is someone you know or even have just heard of that is going through a stressful, trying time in their life to not just brush it away. They need your encouragement and support through it. They need to know that there is someone out there that sees their hurt. They need to feel love.

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Send them an encouraging card or my favorite, a hand written note. No one these days writes with their own hand it seems. A hand written note holds so much more than the words written. It shows that you care far more than it would if you just write their name on a card and sign your name at the bottom. Not that sending cards is a bad thing, it isn't. I do it all the time, but there is something about a hand written note. It shows that you took time out of your day to think of them. In times like these, this is more meaningful. 

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4

I am putting together a 'stress relief kit' for someone I know. I feel like this could be for anyone going through a stressful time and I thought others might like the idea of doing this for someone in their life. 

Stress Relief Kit

• Aroma Therapy: Chamomile, Green Tea, Marjoram, Lavender, Sandalwood
• Candles
• Eye Mask for sleep or rest
• Lotions
• Bath foam
• Soothing music
• Heat wrap
• Herbal Tea (I suggest chamomile)
• A tea cup
• Chocolate!!! (fudge, a favorite candy bar, Hershey's kisses, etc.)
• A devotional book, bible, or prayer card ( I added the book Jesus Calling)
• A basket, decorated box, or a nice gift bag to put items in (be creative, this will show that you took time out for them)

There are so many more things you can add! You can add or remove things depending on the person's personality and need. 

Take it to them in person and pray with them if you can. If they aren't home, leave it on the doorstep. Showing them that they are thought of and reminding them that they do not carry the burden alone will help tremendously!

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:16

If you are the receiver of the stress relief kit make sure you use the items in the kit. They are meant specifically for you. You should know that you are a delight in God's eyes and many others. Don't try to carry all the weight of your circumstances! God is there for you and he loves you and he wants to carry your worries and anxieties. Know that the person who gave you the kit is thinking of you and praying for you and cares for you. You are special! 

Isn't it funny that some people (like myself) can be brought down by something that is so material and in the long run means absolutely nothing? That happened to me today and I found myself dwelling on the disappointment. I am a person who needs consistency and structure. If there is a surprise good or bad I shut down completely. I lose my motivation for the day and all control over my thoughts; I go down hill fast.

I knew I needed to give it to God. I read a short devotion this morning that said no one understands like God does. He created us! He knows our needs. He knows that I shut down when random things pop up! So who better to bring it to? I started praying about the situation and I asked him to give me a different perspective. I said numerous times in my prayer that I need consistency. Without even realizing who I was saying it to. Duh!!! Who is more consistent than Christ?

The song Not For A Moment by Meredith Andrews says it well: After all you are constant, After all you are only good, After all you are sovereign, not for a moment did you forsake me.

Here I am saying I need consistency when all along God is telling me "I am constant!" What a blessing to have a God who understands us like no one else and a God who is never changing, never failing, always loving!

I have my new perspective now! When things change, if I feel misunderstood, if I feel let down; none of this effects the consistency I will find in Christ. I may be disappointed but I will never be disappointed in God! Now that is something to dwell on!

They cried out to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Psalm 22:5